perfect view of the stars
by TamaraneanOnMars
Summary: You're probably sick of me repeating myself by now. If it's any consolation, the rest of the team don't see this. You're the only one who knows everything. / W/A, post-endgame oneshot


i have nothing to say to anyone leave me alone

* * *

"Hi. It's me again."

Taking a seat on the cold floor, she stared up at him as he towered above her, unmoving, unseeing, unfeeling. He couldn't hear her. No matter how much she claimed it helped, no matter the meaning behind her words, he'll never hear them. But she guessed that didn't matter at the time. Because while M'gann, Connor, Kaldur, Raquel, Dick and Zatanna were her friends and were perfectly fine with her talking about her feelings to them, and she should be completely fine with it too, she just wanted to talk to him.

"You're probably sick of me repeating myself by now. If it's any consolation, the rest of the team... they don't see this. You're the only one who knows everything. Except they can probably guess most of it. But I have to stay strong, y'know? Just like...

"I remind myself of 15 year old Artemis. God, I was such an idiot back then." She allowed herself a small, hollow laugh. "Hiding my feelings. Not letting anyone else know because why should they care?" There was a long pause. She almost expected him to respond. "Looking back, I'm not sure what I was really worried about."

She still found it slightly strange, sitting there on the grass with the perfect view of the Earth beneath her. The rest of the team were used to it; it shouldn't come as a surprise that she wouldn't be, as she hadn't been an official member of the team for years and had therefore not have been here as often. Now she visited daily, just to talk. Although it wasn't something to be embarrassed about, she used to worry someone might walk in on her, but now the team knew better.

"It's so messed up. I've learnt my lesson now. The team's there for me, I know that. Kaldur's gone through this sort of situation; he could probably give some good advice. But... I don't want him to have. I want this situation to be completely unique to me. To know that other's have lost like this, it makes your-" She froze. "It makes what happened seem less important. And I don't like the thought of my friends going through this kind of pain. The special type of pain. Losing the love of your life."

It may be strange, but she had never cried. Well, not when talking to him anyway. Maybe, she had been starting to think, it really did help. But now she felt tears rising. She didn't fight them; they fell freely.

"I can't believe I just said that. I never said it to you though, did I? You said it to me plenty of times. You always were the loving type." A sad smile crept onto her face. It was short lived. "But I always avoided it. Old habits, I guess. Afraid of the commitment. Ugh, I fucked up." Her head fell into her hand and she felt her tears wet her palms. "You were one of the best things in my life, you know that?

"You always held my hand, when I needed comfort or just when you felt like it. I remember we would always hold hands while watching Scott Pilgrim." This time her laugh contained humour; memories of better times. "That was always your favorite film. We watched it a week after we started dating. Zatanna found us the next morning, fast asleep on the couch, cuddling. She took pictures. Probably still has them. I wonder if she'll keep them now.

"I don't know. I'm rambling. I actually have a lot of stuff to do. But it'd feel wrong to not talk. it's the only thing that helps, bizarrely." She touched her cheek gently; the tears were still falling, but she could barely feel herself crying. "I wonder if the other's have done this."

She had nothing else to say now, no other choice. She had work to do; Kaldur had said there would be a mission today. Time to get it over with.

"I guess I should just-" Suddenly there was a lump in her throat and she could feel the tears all too well. She choked on her words for a moment. "I love you, okay? No plural. I'll always love you. Even if you're..."

She stayed silent for a while, head bowed, anger rising; why, she could not say. Her shoulders shook.

"You're dead!" She nearly screamed, standing and glaring at the hologram. "What am I even doing here? Nothing's going to bring you back. What's the point in even- why should I..."

The anger dissolved and there it was again; that empty feeling that had plagued her all these months after his death. She looked up at him but could barely see his face through the tears. She was rattling with loud sobs and her head fell into her hands once again. She took a seat in the same position and told herself that the mission could wait. She wasn't ready to leave yet. To leave and not do the mission would mean going back to their apartment and deal with the memories associated with everything. To leave and do the mission would mean bottling up these feelings, resisting these tears to the point where it would physically pain her.

**No, she was fine there, sitting on the green grass, watching Wally smile, with the perfect view of the stars.**


End file.
